I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
