Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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