would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
