You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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