ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
