Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
