Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
