it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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