Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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