tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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