I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
