A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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