would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
