I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
