i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
