Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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