someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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