living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
