Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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