Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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