My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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