Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...