im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
