dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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