so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?