so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest