mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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