Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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