sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid