Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

(607): View more from New York

what a beautiful fairy tale

Fav 33 11270 1212
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

Fav 2 2226 1327
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Ontario

i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones

Fav 54 4032 1853
share tweet
(561): View more from Florida

I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

Fav 10 2626 828
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(347): View more from New York

Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

Fav 117 4838 1892
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

Fav 42 10579 1273
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

Fav 4 3167 1202
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(509): View more from Washington

Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

Fav 2 1147 765
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.

Fav 0 49 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT