I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
