I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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