In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
