i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
