a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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