its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
