just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
