Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
