First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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