I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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