Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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