Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
