End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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