There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
