He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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