whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Actions speak louder than pants.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
