yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
