I just pynch a tree in the face
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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