The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
