you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
