dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
