He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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