It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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