she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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