I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize