i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you will always have a special place in my vag
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
