apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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