the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
