JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
