Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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