is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
