Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
