Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
