So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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