your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
