Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
