I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
