apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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