Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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