Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
