Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
