Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
