There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
