You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
