Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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