I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
