Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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