I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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