is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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