I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
