tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
