my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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