when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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