just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
