So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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