You don't have asthma, your pregnant
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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