his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
