So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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