just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
