I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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