It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
