4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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