you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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