Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
