and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
