I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
