Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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