please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
