So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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