i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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